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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Living Dead Sox (aka Theo Epstein's Science Project) Finally Liberate Boston Fans By Doing What They Do Best

Your fun caption here !
Finally, the Living Dead Sox have met their predestined (according to A-Gon), and unlamented (by me) end.
Sox fans can only hope the breadth and depth of their  failure prompt ownership to demolish the team's entrenched, entitled, SABREMETRICS-know-it-all, what-me-bunt culture, starting with the big, giant heads in the front office right down to obscenely overpaid, consistently inconsistent non-performers, emotional basket-cases, and seriously-hardball-IQ-challenged players whom the late Eddie Stanky surely would have described as 'All-Stars from the neck down'. 
We can only hope that Henry, Werner et al. decide to close down Theo Epstein's Science Project before more innocent people are harmed (pink-hats not included).
We can only hope that 2012 Spring Training is more about baseball than fishing or golf, or that during the regular season--which, oddly enough, still counts for something--the boys take time away from their busy schedule of paid personal appearances at malls, banks, and hot-dog stands to DO THEIR REAL JOBS. 
We can only hope that next year, the boys might actually keep their collective heads in the game (as opposed to where the sun and/or lights don't shine) long enough (1) not to routinely walk 7-8-or-9 hitters in the opposition's batting order, (2) to field their positions adequately, (3) opportunely to move runners into scoring position, (4) consistently to score runners from 3rd when there are no outs (5) not to let themselves get picked off, and (6) NOT TO TRY TO TAKE AN EXTRA BASE IN A ONE RUN, DO-OR-DIE GAME ! The last is especially important for players who get winded just walking from the couch to the fridge.